Coming Home

I was finally released from the hospital Saturday night, February 16 at roughly 11:00pm. I was never so glad to get home. We had a houseful-Kristi and Greg, Joey, mom and dad, and of course my devastated husband. We quickly called it a night as we were all so emotionally drained. As Den and I crawled into bed, the last thing we could do was sleep. We ended up talking, hugging, crying, and planning until 3:00am about what our future holds. It was an emotional night as this was the first time we had been by ourselves since the start of this ordeal and we were able to share our true feelings. I love you Den with all my heart and always will.

The emotions and grief felt the next morning were overwhelming. My thoughts about what the future held were swirling in my head. What do I do? So many questions and no answers. Do I do chemo, do I let nature take its course? The thought of hospice crossed my mind. I had lived a good life and was not afraid to die. My first initial choice was hospice so that I would be comfortable and that my family would have the support that it needed. I had talked to Dennis about this and he was “ok” with this if it was what I really wanted. I remember talking to my mom and dad that morning and letting them know what I was thinking about. My mom was supportive, my dad crumbled. I then received a call from my physician just checking on me. I told him what I was thinking and he questioned me on this. “You are young, otherwise healthy, and have a husband who loves you dearly, and young children who are at exciting times of their lives. Think about this. I would encourage you to sit down with your family and discuss your options. They need to be a part of this.” We then received a phone call from my sister-in-law who was just “checking in”. She talked to Den first and shared with him how she had lost her mother to cancer at the time when she was 24 years of age. How she missed her mom dearly growing up. This happens to be the same age as our daughter Kristi. She then shared with me some personal success stories of some her closest friends who had gone through similar experiences as mine, successfully. I have to say, these two phone calls changed my mind and I sat down with my family and shared with them my change of thought. They were overjoyed, excited and so supportive. It was another tearful moment. From this point, the fight was on.  

Monday morning, I had a quick follow-up appointment with my surgeon who had inserted my port-a-cath late Saturday night in preparation for my first chemotherapy on Tuesday, February 19. It was a quick visit and he seemed to be pleased with the way it was healing. I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to get stuck each time for blood draws and my chemo treatments.

Tuesday morning came quickly. I was scheduled for a follow-up chest x-ray and echocardiogram as I continued to be quite short of breath. The echo showed no significant increase in the pericardial effusion, however, the CXR did show an increasing pleural effusion which, unfortunately, needed to be drained before the chemo got started. This time I was more prepared and they only drained a liter instead of 1400cc. Kristi was with me and such a great support during the procedure.

Chemo came next at the Infusion Center at EIRMC on the 2^nd floor. My good buddy was working that day, so she put me at ease. Everything seemed to go smoothly, easy access through the port. Some of my friends and employees came to see me which made the time pass quickly. Den and Kristi were there offering me reassurance and making sure that I didn’t need anything. Love them. Total infusion time was about 3 hours. I was able to walk out of there on my own.

The next day, I was scheduled to go back in for a Neuplasta injection which is administered to boost my bone marrow production. I was quite puffy and had retained lots of fluid, 15 pounds in all. My blood pressure was up which raised some concern with the nurses at the Infusion Center. They sent me over to my oncologist for him to take a look at me. He wasn’t too worried and reassured me that this should resolve over the next couple of days, which it did. Thank goodness - I felt like a human blow fish!

After visiting with my oncologist and he told me that one of the chemo agents would make me lose my hair, I decided it would be best to get my hair cut now, so when it started to come out, it wouldn’t be so devastating. I made an appointment and came out with a very short style. It took a bit to get used to, kind of a Halle Berry look but without all the curls. I had a pleasant surprise while sitting in the chair. I had my glasses off of course, so couldn’t see very well. From a distance, I saw two figures walking up with man voices. To my surprise, it was my husband and brother who had just flown in from California to surprise me. It was a very pleasant surprise and I was so glad to see him. Love my brother! He stayed just a few days and had quite a story to tell going home as a storm rolled in and he missed his connecting flight home. He decided to rent a car and finally….made it home safely.

The next few days were kind of long and drawn out. I didn’t feel real great, carrying around the extra weight, slightly nauseous, and achy. Den, mom and dad were here, along with Kristi. Greg had gone back to Livingston as he needed to get back to work. It was nice to have family around to help out, but it was so hard for them to see me going through this. I felt bad but of course couldn’t help it. We decided it would be best if dad went back to California to try and get some normalcy in life. Joey did the same thing. I think it helped.

That night, I remember having a very vivid dream about PAC MAN invading my body and going through eating all the malignant cells. It was so real and I slept so well that night. I do believe in the power of visualization and, if that wasn’t a perfect example, I don’t know what is. GO PAC MAN!!!!! The nights seem to be the hardest this first week home as you lie there in bed thinking about what the future holds.

I will close this posting with thanks, gratitude, and appreciation for all the support, love, gifts, prayers, and well wishes that I have received from my family, physicians, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and employees. Without your support, I wouldn’t be where I am today. You all mean the world to me and I’m most grateful to all.