10 Lessons Learned Through My Cancer Journey.

1.      It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

Since being diagnosed back in February, there’s been a whirlwind of emotions to say the least. Through the tough days, come the brighter ones.  But one thing I have learned for sure is, when you are having the tough days it’s important to embrace it. It’s okay to be a mess, just pick yourself up and move forward. When we immerse ourselves in facing the darkness, we begin to heal.

2.      Discovering Your True Friends

With the diagnosis, came the realization of who my true friends are. As sad as that may seem, it’s the truth. Those who truly care, make time to stay around. The phonies are left in my last chapter, and I have grown to be okay with this. Those who surround me are the ones I love the most.

3.      After Diagnoses, Family Members Need Support Too

 A diagnosis such as cancer involves the entire family, not just me. After many conversations with my family, I truly began to see how it affects not just me, but all those around me. It’s a journey we go through together, and by go through I mean GROW through. Be sure to ask how they are doing and involve them in the conversation. Encourage family members to go with you to your appointments and encourage them to ask questions. When I go to my doctor’s appointments, I always take a family member and the very first thing my oncologist does is acknowledge them. This validates their feelings and gives them an opportunity to express concerns they might be having.

4.      Focus On Today and Not Too Far Into The Future

As hard as it may be, when we live life through embracing the present, we can finally attract a sense of calmness within our lives. When we get caught up in the future, the anxiety will soon follow. It may not be easy, but it’s a practice that is important to implement into your life. When I need a nice reminder, I reflect back on this quote. It reads, “Don’t cry over the past, it’s gone. Don’t stress about the future, it hasn’t arrived. Live in the present, and make it Beautiful.”

5.      It’s Okay To Ask For Help

With cancer, or any health condition, comes an army of information that can become quite overwhelming. As someone who likes control of the situation, it was tough for me to learn this lesson. Asking for help, clarification, or just extra support is totally okay and necessary in order for you to remain sane. Don’t try and carry the load yourself, there are so many out there waiting to help you. Just take that first step.

6.      Express Your Feelings

As heartbreaking as cancer can be, it’s critical you garner the courage to open up about how you are feeling. Whether this be with your doctor, family or friends, just becoming vocal about the situation will help you out. Avoid holding it all in, because it will only build up and make it worse.

7.      Establish Routine

When you form a routine, life seems to become a bit more normal again. Instead of dwelling on your illness, you can begin to find a sense of normalcy again. It keeps you motivated, and your mind from constantly thinking about the scary C word. Also, your life may be much different than it was prior to being diagnosed, so give yourself the freedom to form a new routine and design your new normal.

8.      Be Involved With Your Plan of Care

It’s so important to surround yourself with knowledge as you head down this new path. Yes, it may be a lot of information, but when you are educated, you can begin to ask more questions, challenge the docs, and be more in the know with your body.

9.      Learn Relaxation Techniques

Often nights can be tough on me, so finding a way to silence the thoughts is important. Meditation or visual imagery have helped me calm the mind in times of inner chatter. I also like to pray to the higher power, asking for calmness, strength, and continued healing.

10.  Focus On Gratitude

The practice of gratitude will transform your life for the better. When we live in the moment, and embrace the beauty around us, our world will become brighter. 

A Recap of Summer - A Taste of the Fall!

Wow…where did the summer go? Eight months ago, my oncologist told me that I needed to “go enjoy my summer.” I thought to myself, “What does he mean by that?”  “Should I expect a change in my condition come the fall”, or “Do I just take one day at a time and make the best of it”? You know me…I chose the latter. I had a great summer filled with countless visits from family and friends. Many fond memories were made and I am convinced today, there are more to follow.

Birthday Weekend

The summer started out with my cousin, Beth and her family coming up from Tucson to spend the 4^th of July with us. It was wonderful having family here for the holiday and we were excited to show them our great fireworks show. Unfortunately, the show was delayed due to an accidental drowning down by the falls. Shortly after that, my brother, sister-in-law, and their two dogs drove up in their new 40 foot 5^th wheel and we camped up in the Island Park area for 3-4 days. It was great spending some one on one time with them. During their visit, we celebrated my 52^nd birthday at mom and dad’s cabin. Den, Joey and Kelli drove up from Island Park, Kristi and Greg came down from Livingston, my Aunt Sandy and Uncle Lyman were here to help us celebrate. It was a great time together although the emotions were high. I started thanking everyone for coming and …well you know it…the emotions came out. Not only from me, but from everyone else there. Oh well, I guess that is to be expected under the circumstances. Midsummer, my brother and sister-in-law flew up and we took a quick trip up to Livingston, Montana to show them Kristi and Greg’s place. The Livingston Food Pantry, whom Kristi was working for, was having their annual fundraiser which we all attended. It was a great night filled with yummy food, drinks, entertainment, and raffles. The latter part of the summer, I had visits from my cousins Mindy, Sabrina and her husband Larry, and some friends, John and Glenys Wilbur who I had not seen in over 30 years. It was great spending time with them catching up on old times. Ok…so much for the summer company.

In between spending time at the cabin, which I did a lot of this summer, Den and I tried to spend some quality time together. We took a week to drive down and see his mom in Arizona. While there, we took the opportunity to go to a Diamondback baseball game, my first at this stadium. It was lots of fun and happened to be “Dog in the Park” day where everyone got to bring their dogs. I had more fun watching the dogs than I did watching the game. It was extremely hot that week and I welcomed the cooler air at the stadium. We also took the opportunity to do some “birding”. There were several places fairly close to Idaho Falls where we would pack up the dogs and go see what we could find. Camas Wildlife Refuge and Market Lake were some of our favorites. We saw different birds each time we went out on an exploration. Some of our favorites were the swans, grouse, red-necked blackbirds, cranes, and blue-herons. The dogs enjoyed going just as much as we did. We enjoyed having them go with us!

Toward the end of August, that dreaded fluid around my lung had built back up and I was admitted to the hospital for a week. It was decided that they would insert a chest tube hoping to drain all the fluid from around my lung. Unfortunately, some of the fluid had become “loculated” and wouldn’t drain. My pulmonologist inserted two different types of medication into the chest tube attempting to break down the wall barrier. After two attempts, we were successful and all fluid was gone. It was at this point, that he decided to do a procedure called a pleurodesis, where he injected some talc powder through the chest tube hoping to seal the two linings of the lung together. This was quite an uncomfortable procedure causing extreme pain that night. I didn’t hesitate to call and ask for some pain medication. I was discharged the next day feeling quite weak but excited to get home to my own bed. That next morning, I could hardly wait to get a shower, wash my hair and shave my legs. Without much warning, my head began swimming and the next thing I knew, I was laying on the shower floor. When I awoke, I thought to myself, “What the hell am I doing on the floor of the shower?” Thank goodness I wasn’t hurt but had a pretty good bruise on my hip where I had fallen and landed across the shower door. I slowly got up and made my way back to bed.

Dennis and I had the privilege of watching our grand dog, Clyde for two weeks the latter part of summer while Kristi and Greg spent a week in Mexico for their delayed honeymoon. Now I have to tell you, Clyde is just not your ordinary dog. He has severe separation anxiety but at the same time very intelligent. Earlier this summer, my daughter ran into the store and left Clyde in the truck with the windows partially cracked so that he wouldn’t get too hot. The next thing she knew, there was an overhead page in the store asking for anyone with a tri-color corgi to please come to the front of the store. She thought to herself, “Clyde must be having a panic attack in the car.” As she approached the front of the store, there was Clyde in someone’s arms. He had been rescued inside the store as he was wondering up and down the aisles looking for Kristi. She thought to herself, “Clyde, how did you get out of the car?”  As she went to put Clyde back in the car, she could see that he had slid opened the back window with his snout, jumped out and made his way into the store. Now if that isn’t a smart dog for you, not sure what is!!! The two weeks that we had him, nothing that exciting happened. He was a good boy and enjoyed our company.

 

Kristi was registered to run her first half marathon Sunday morning after returning from Mexico City late Saturday night. My mom, dad, Joey and Clyde drove up to Bozeman, Montana to stay the night. We met up with Kristi and Greg Saturday night at the airport to return Clyde. He was one happy camper knowing that he was going to be reunited with his mom and dad. We were excited to get up the next morning to watch Kristi race. We parked ourselves along the side of the street near the end of the race. One by one, the runners rounded the street corner and headed to the finish line. We anxiously watched for Kristi as time went on. The next thing we knew, she was right in front of us racing to the end. She looked great and finished the race in one hour and forty nine minutes. Not bad for a first half marathon race, arriving home from Mexico the night before, and having an upset tummy. Way to go Kristi!!!!

 

As we transitioned from summer to fall, I was so looking forward to the all-day fly fishing trip for two, down the South Fork, that I won on the silent auction at Relay for Life. Our guide for the day was Mike Parsons, who happened to be the nurse practitioner to my oncologist, Dr. Adams. Small world it is. I had gotten to know Mike in the office and was excited to spend the day with him on the river. October 5 was the magical day. It was a crisp fall day with the morning temperature around 32 degrees. We bundled up in layers as we knew the day would warm. We drove to Swan Valley and prepped the boat for launching at a place called “Huskies.” Mike had his own guide boat, fishing rods, and flies. My dad had decided to lure fish as this is what he was accustomed to. We were on the water by 9:30 and a beautiful day it was. The sun was shining with very little wind. The fall colors were spectacular. Mike gave me some quick fly fishing lessons before we headed down river. Fishing was a bit slow and I struggled to get my fly more than eight feet from the boat. At one point, as I began to tire, I hooked my green wooly bugger into Mike’s shoulder. Ouch…I felt bad. He took it in stride as if this was not the first time this had happened to him. Midday, we took the boat to shore to take a break and have some lunch. Mike had packed a BBQ and we roasted some brats. Did they ever taste yummy!!! We floated about 9 miles of the river and ended up at the South Fork Lodge. Fishing was spotty to say the least. Dad landed several during the day and Mike was able to fish a little along the way. He was kind enough to let me land a couple of his fish that he had hooked. Unfortunately, I didn’t catch any but that didn’t matter to me. I loved being on the water, spending valuable time with my dad, and just enjoying the great outdoors. Thank you Mike for the unforgettable day and the great memories that were made!!!

 

Last but not least, I must mention the great time I had at the cabin this summer. Mom and dad-you’re the greatest. I so enjoyed our morning walks, cumshaw card games, fishing trips, cribbage contests, evening BBQ’s and yes, mom, the time spent on the computer. It’s been a great summer and I have so enjoyed the time that I have spent with you. Family is everything, and we have the greatest family. I love you all!!!!

With that said, I will close until next time. It’s been a great summer. Hard to believe we are already into fall. Fall is my favorite time of the year. I love the changing of colors, the crisp mornings, and the smell of burning fires. We have the holidays to look forward to…yeah, more family time and memories to be made. Cheers to all of you my friends and family!!!

 

Relay For Life-Jodi’s Bulldogs

Jodi's Bulldogs

As the nights begin to get cooler and the leaves start their changing of colors, I reflect back on the summer months that have passed so quickly. One of the highlights of this summer has to be the Idaho Falls Relay For Life event, sponsored by the American Cancer Society, held on July 12 at Bonneville High School. I have to be honest with all of you…I was not aware of what Relay For Life represented or had I ever been a part of it. It wasn’t until my former department contacted me and said they wanted to form a team in my name. I was so honored. Thus the name of Jodi’s Bulldogs came to life.

Before I get into the nuts and bolts of this memorable evening, let me inform you a bit of what Relay For Life represents. At Relay For Life events, communities across the world come together to honor cancer survivors, remember loved ones lost, and fight back against a disease that has already taken too many. The personal donations and funds each team raises truly make a difference in the fight against cancer. Approximately 14 million survivors will celebrate another year of survival. As the evening of events unfold, Relay For Life teams camp out overnight and take turns walking around a track or path at a local high school, park, or fairground. Events are up to 24 hours long, and because cancer never sleeps, each team is asked to have at least one participant on the track at all times. 

So…my team began planning for the evening of this event months in advance. Whitney Anderson, one of my previous employees, sits on the planning committee for the Idaho Falls Relay for Life and was the catalyst to forming a team in my name. Nadene Anderson, another former employee, took on the assignment of being the team captain. Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center’s administration was supportive and paid for the registration of the team and had a beautiful banner made – Bite Back. Jodi’s Bulldogs! The team consists of 20 employees/co-workers/friends that had a special interest of being a part of this team and were committed to raising money for the great event. Of the 20, there were 6 survivors on the team with 3 currently receiving treatment.

So the work began. Personal donations were made. Luminaries were sold to individuals who then decorated them with a personal touch, which were later used the evening of the event for the infamous luminary lap. Another big money raiser for our team was the Midsummer Get-Away Raffle which consisted of a limousine ride, $50 dinner gift card at a local restaurant and a luxury suite at the Hampton Inn plus two movie tickets. We sold over 250 raffle tickets at $5 each or 3 for $10. Gift baskets were donated, food was planned to be sold that night, tents tables, chairs, and BBQs were donated. Everyone pitched in together to make this a successful occasion. I was so touched that my former department was so engaged in supporting me, even though I had been out of work for five months. How I loved my department!!!! and still do. I must mention my division boss, Barb Ashton, who got the support from the Mountain Division in supporting this great cause. She and her husband made the trip from Salt Lake City and spent the evening with all of us.
 

 

The night of the event was a very emotional one for me and my daughter Kristi, who accompanied me that evening. Upon our arrival, we were treated to a meal. We picked up our survivor and caregiver packets. Shirts were waiting for us to wear that night. Opening ceremonies were in the middle of the football field. Music was playing, speakers talked about their personal cancer experience, and survivors stood based on their years of survival. This one gentleman I remember was a 45 year survivor. I thought to myself, if he can do it, so can I!!! Then there was the silent auction of five beautiful quilts that individuals had made. There was one that stood out that I really liked. I happened to be sitting next to one of my physicians who is also a personal friend, Dr. Brad Stoddard. He got the bidding going and going and going. It was quite entertaining and really got the crowd involved. This one quilt eventually sold for $1250. Yes, one quilt.

After the opening ceremonies were over, we all returned to our individual team tents. From there, an initial survivor lap was completed followed by a caregiver and an opening lap. As we took our turns walking around the track, it was quite impressive to see what each of the individual teams had made and were selling all in an effort to raise money for the American Cancer Society for continued cancer research. I was quite impressed with our team’s efforts-subway like sandwiches, BBQ corn (very popular and thank you Burke Webster for this great idea), sliced watermelon, drinks, gift baskets, and doggie towels with hoods.
 

 

As the evening went on, each of the team members would take turns walking around the track, thus the name Relay For Life. This went on throughout the night along with family games, activities, and entertainment. Then there was the infamous Luminaria Ceremony where luminary bags and candles were lit to honor loved ones who have passed or are fighting the disease. The stadium lights were turned off and the glow of the bags lit the night time skies. If this didn’t give you goose bumps, I’m not sure what would!

I must say how proud I am of our team. For a first year team, our contributions made a difference. Jodi’s Bulldogs ended up with nearly $4,700 in contributions and a silver team designation. We were also in the TOP TEN teams finishing #6 overall out of 87 teams. The total amount raised from the Idaho Falls Relay For Life event was $125,000. As much as I have inspired my employees/co-workers/friends, they have inspired me. Thank you all for your efforts in making this event so memorable for me and one that I will never forget. You will all be forever cherished and in my heart!

Farewell to EIRMC...

After 21 years at Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center, it's with great sadness that I will not be returning. Life throws many curveballs that often take us by complete surprise. Last February, I was diagnosed with lung cancer that turned my world upside down. Moving forward it's important for me to close this chapter, and begin to focus on the journey ahead.

Through these past years at EIRMC, I have met some of the most incredible individuals who have helped me grow, learn, and become an overall better person. Many who will be lifelong friends and relationships I will forever cherish.

I want to thank all those who helped me with the various committees that I chaired over the years, including Diversity Week, Geriatric Forum, and those who lent support, time, and their generosity in creating our EIRMC parade floats every year.

Cancer is tough, but I know I'm tougher. With a positive mindset I will give my all in fighting this disease that doesn't define me. I am, and always will be the Jodi you saw walking the halls. Thanks for all the great memories.

A Reflection of My Nursing Career

As I reflect back on the 32 years of my nursing profession, I realize that I am now at a crossroads and major decisions will need to be made soon. Ending my career this early was never in my forethought but either was being diagnosed with Stage IV Terminal Lung Cancer at the age of 51. I’m grateful I had these 32 years of being able to give back and care for others just as I’m being cared for today. The old saying, “What goes around, comes around” certainly is true.

I had the wonderful opportunity of working as a nurse’s aide at St. Joseph’s Convalescent Hospital during my high school years (1978-1979) in Ojai, California. This is the same facility my Grandpa Meyers inspected back in the 1950’s as a building inspector. I considered this my first job and really the kickoff of what was to come for my future. St. Joseph’s was a Catholic run facility and the Brother’s that worked there were so patient teaching me the very basic skills of nursing. I grew to love the job and would often go in on my days off to help feed that patient’s and wash and set the ladies hair. The love that I showed them came right back at me. How quickly I got attached to these wonderful individuals.

After graduating from high school, I was fortunate to get a nurse’s aide job at Ojai Valley Community Hospital while attending Ventura College. Due to the small size of Ojai Hospital, I was privileged to work in the many different areas of the hospital and gain some valuable experience from all departments. I had some great mentors there who loved to teach. For this, I was most grateful.  For two years, as I was working at the hospital, I attended Ventura College working on my pre-requisites to get into the 2 year Associate Degree Nursing Program. I actually had to wait a semester due to the number on the list waiting get in. This gave me time to complete all prerequisites so when I did finally get accepted, I was all done with those classes. The next two years were some of the most challenging, fun, scary, hard-working years of my life. My buddies that I bonded with became my second family. Through all the perseverance and hard work, I graduated the youngest in my class of 88 nurses at the age of 20.

From there, I landed a job at Community Memorial Hospital, in Ventura, California, working nights on a Med/Surg floor. I did this for about two year before switching to a day shift position on a brand new Oncology (Cancer) Unit that I actually got to help develop. I did that for the next 8 years and it was the job that I most loved. I worked with the greatest physicians, nurses, therapist and support personnel. It was here that I met my beloved husband Dennis who was working as a Respiratory Therapist. Within a year, we were married and I gained two wonderful step-sons-Bryan and Jimmy.

Our family quickly grew from four to six, as Kristi and Joey were soon born, and we were living in a two bedroom home. We knew we would eventually need a larger house but couldn’t afford a new place in California. Dennis and I were visiting my parents in Island Park, Idaho and decided to take a drive to Idaho Falls to see the hospital, Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center (EIRMC). We both got interviews and were offered jobs on site. We quickly went home, sold the house, and moved to Idaho. Kristi was three and Joey was 18 months at the time.

My nursing career at EIRMC started out working again on a Med/Surg floor where I quickly worked myself into a charge nurse position. I frequently worked with Oncology patients giving them their chemo, some of the same drugs that I’m currently receiving today. After several years of this type of nursing, I was asked to be one of three case managers in a new Case Management Program being developed. I was excited about the change and the new learning opportunity I was about to endeavor. That’s what I love about nursing-so many opportunities for growth.

After two years of being a med/surg case manager, I was asked to be the Manager and went back to school to get my Bachelor’s Degree in Nursing at Idaho State University, all while working, raising two small children, and caring for a husband who was not well at the time. Fortunately, I had two very good friends who decided to go back to school with me, and the three of us persevered together. After several years, the department continued to grow and I was asked to be the Director of Case Management and Social Services. This necessitated me to return to school, once again, and pursue my Master’s Degree in Nursing which I did with an emphasis in Executive Nursing Leadership. My two cohorts were right there with me and we graduated together in 2008 from Research College of Nursing out of Kansas City, Missouri.

Fast forward 21 years from the time we moved to Idaho and I started my employment at EIRMC. My department had grown from 3 case managers to 12, in addition to having 10 social workers. We covered all areas of the hospital 7 days a week between the hours of 6:00am to 10:00pm. These employees that worked for me the past 18 years are some of the finest, hard-working, dedicated individuals that I have ever known. They made my job easy as they knew what was expected and they went out and did it. No micro-managing. They worked autonomously and got the job done. I loved my department and I saw myself working with them until I retired.

Then the bomb dropped. Something I never expected or wished upon for anyone. I was diagnosed with Stage IV Terminal Lung Cancer at the young age of 51 on February 14 of all dates. Yea, right…Happy Valentine’s Day to me! I was discharged from the hospital after my diagnosis on February 16. I haven’t been back to work since and continue to be out on short term disability which is up on July 10. After 12 weeks of being off work, my employer decided it would be best to fill my position. I was hoping that they would have held off until the latter part of June, after my follow-up CT and echo, but that didn’t happen. I was quite disappointed, as was my department.

As for now, I have a decision to make, do I return to work or not??? I have completed 6 rounds of chemo. Luckily, I have tolerated the chemo pretty well except for a couple of days post infusion. My hair has thinned, but still have it. My eyes react every third week post chemo becoming red, irritated and very swollen. This last’s about a week. I’m quite emotional, will cry at the drop of a hat. I blame this on the chemo although it’s probably a combination of everything that has transpired the last 4 ½ months. I fear that the stress from work may hinder my recovery efforts. I want to be able to give it my all and fear now is not the right time. I need to take this time and take care of myself, spend time with my family, and do the things that I want to do. So hard for me to say that, since I have always cared for others during my lifetime. But I must refocus now. It’s about me and my family. One day at a time.

Progress being made!

Mom, Dad, Kris & Granddog Clyde

I am now 12 weeks into my new journey and the “new normalcy” has seemed to set in. I had the opportunity to take a road trip with a dear friend, the middle of April, up to the college town of Missoula, Montana. We met up with a mutual friend and had a great time shopping and dining. We sat for hours catching up on stories, sharing our laughs and tears. It was a great time and felt good to get away and spend time with friends. It helped make the time pass as I was scheduled for a CT scan the day after I got back. This was to be a follow-up CT scan from my initial one done at the time of diagnosis. The thought of having this done brought a mix of emotions spiraling through my head.

After a leisurely drive home and a great lunch at an old school house in Dell, Montana, it was time for me to mentally and physically prepare myself for tomorrow’s test. The thought of having this done made me feel both anxious and excited at the same time. Anxious because the results could be not such good news and excited because any positive news gives you renewed hope and encouragement. In preparation for the test, I was to drink 8 ounces of Bar-o-cat, a liquid contrast to help enhance the images of the scan. This was done at 10:00 pm the night before and then repeated the morning of the scan. Joey got up with me and went to the hospital. He was a great support and stood my side the entire time. The scan was completed in less than 30 minutes and we were on our way back home. The most difficult part was now waiting for the physician to call with the results.

That afternoon, each time the phone rang, I would answer with eagerness hoping it was my physician and good friend waiting to tell me the hopefully good news. After all, it was a Friday afternoon and the Radiologist would have to read the scan before it would be available to my three following physicians, whom I had learned to trust and have complete confidence in. It was now 4:00 in the afternoon and I was convinced I wouldn’t hear anything until Monday morning. I was wrong. At 4:30 pm, the phone rang and it was my physician with the following news, “Nothing bad. The pericardial effusion remains moderate to large. The pleural effusion remains small. The mass-like area of consolidation showed a decrease in size…YEAH!!! The CT of the abdomen and pelvis are negative. The excess pelvis fluid that was seen previously on CT was completely gone.” He was pleased with these results and thought that we were headed in the right direction. Chemo was doing its thing.

I have to be honest with you…I was a bit disappointed and discouraged by this report. Dennis could hear it in my voice. I thought to myself, “I have gone through three rounds of chemotherapy and I still had a large pericardial effusion and continued fluid within the pleural sac of the lung. But…when I really thought about it, I had a lot to be thankful for. Of all things, I did not expect the consolidated area in the left lower lobe of the lung to decrease. The chemo must be doing something right. I quickly did an attitude adjustment and looked at the positive things in the report.

The following Tuesday, I had my routine appointment with my Oncologist, prior to my 4^th and last scheduled chemo of Carboplatin and Alimta. Again, I had mixed feeling about this being my last chemo with the BIG gun, Carbo. I even asked my physician, Dr. Adams, if it would be possible for me to continue with both, as the combination of the two drugs seemed to be working and my bone marrow was responding nicely to the Neulasta injection I received after each chemo round. His reply was, “No, the Carbo is too toxic on the body. We will just be doing the maintenance with the Alimta.” Ok, I thought. I trust that he knows what he’s talking about, which I did. I did have a discussion with him about the continued moderate to large pericardial effusion and how I continue to feel my heart pounding, especially with any exertion and at night while sleeping. He was just as concerned and talked to Den and I about the possibility of doing a pericardial window. This was a surgical inpatient procedure where, under anesthesia, you go to the operating room and they remove a section of the pericardium to allow the fluid to drain. This sounded like a major event and quite scary to say the least. We left the appointment with him going to follow-up with Dr. Gorman, my Cardiologist.

From there, we went over to the hospital to have my blood drawn prior to chemo. I just happened to run into Dr. Gorman who had just gotten off the phone with Dr. Adams. He felt that it would be best to do a pericardialcentesis, inserting a needle into the pericardial sac and draining the fluid, instead of the more aggressive surgical procedure. After all, it was much less invasive with fewer complications. Prior to this procedure, he wanted me to have a repeat Echocardiogram to get a more accurate reading of the fluid around the heart. He explained to us that when you measure a pericardial effusion on CT, it’s not always accurate due to the contraction/relaxation of the heart muscle itself. He wrote a prescription for me to have this Echo and pericardialcentesis on Thursday afternoon. I went ahead and had my 4^th scheduled chemo Tuesday afternoon, April 23, and all went well.

Thursday afternoon came around quickly. I was still recovering from Tuesday’s chemo and Wednesday’s Neulasta injection. We arrived at the hospital and slowly made our way up to the 2^nd floor of the hospital where the Cardiology Department was and where we registered for the outpatient procedure. We were escorted to Cardiac Pre and Post holding area where the Echo would be performed. An IV was started and things moved rather quickly. The Echo was completed and again we waited for the results. Time passed…Dr. Gorman was on call and was trying to fit us in in between his scheduled appointments/procedures. We finally got the report and good news it was. The Echo showed a significant decrease in the pericardial fluid and pericardialcentesis was not going to be needed. Procedure was cancelled and we were able to go home. Again, things were moving in the right direction and something to be so grateful for. I know I was.

Today, May 3, I have much to be thankful for. I’m 10 days out from my last scheduled chemo and I still have my hair, although it is quite thin. I’m getting pretty good at comb overs to cover those thin spots. We celebrated Den’s birthday May 1 by going out to dinner with our dear friends, Bill and Kelli Reed.  Mom and dad arrived yesterday and we opened the cabin today. Yeah…lots of fishing to be done. Joey’s graduation from college is next weekend. Den and I are now proud grandparents of Kristi and Greg’s three egg laying hens. Yes, LIFE IS GOOD!  

 

The Return to Normalcy-Whatever the New Normalcy Is-April 6, 2013

Not quite two months has passed since my diagnosis of Stage IV Lung Cancer. I have to say, it seems like it has been six months as my life has been put on hold and turned upside down. I guess in a sense, it has. Am I beginning to feel a sense of normalcy, whatever that may be? I’m not sure. Time will tell and I still take one day at a time hoping for the best and trying not to have my anxious feelings spiral out of control.

The kids are now back in their routines-Joey finishing up his last semester of college at Idaho State University majoring in Mass Communications with an emphasis in TV and working on the final editing of his book, The Joey Parker Movement-Against All Odds, due to be published and in the bookstores November 1, 2013. Kristi landed a great job with the Livingston Food Pantry, a non-profit organization that assists individuals and families in need through the distribution of healthful food. Much of her time is spent on developing the kids after school lunch program and a social media site where individuals can choose to donate online if they choose to do so. I’m so proud of my kids as this has been as difficult on them as it has been for Den and I, yet they choose to stay positive and driven to carry-on, much as I would want them too.

As you know, both my mom and dad arrived the weekend of the diagnosis. After a week, it was decided that mom would stay to help out and dad would drive back to California to attend to the house, and to get some sense of normalcy in his life, whatever that would be. Mom ended up staying for a month when we decided that it would be best for her to return home to be with dad, for Den and I to have some routine established back in our house, plus it was a great excuse for me to fly back home to see family and friends. The only clincher was, was I medically stable to do so??? I was just coming off my 2^nd cycle of chemo and new that my counts would be low during the time of travel.

I contacted both my Oncologist and personal physician who were both supportive of this. They did want to do a follow-up chest x-ray and echocardiogram to check the fluid level around the heart and lung. This made me very nervous as potentially, it could have been a show stopper and I wouldn’t have been able to go. Good news though….the scans showed a slight decrease in fluid around the heart and the left pleural effusion remained small. Augh…what a relief for all.

Fortunately, I had enough sky miles for two round trip tickets. I was most grateful for this Delta representative who assisted us with making these arrangements and coordinating our flights. She was able to get us on an early morning flight out of Idaho Falls, with a quick layover in Salt Lake City, arriving in Los Angeles in between rush hour. I decided that it would be best to wear a mask inside the airport and while on the plane as people were coughing, sneezing, sniffing. At one point, there was a young lady sitting next to my mom that was horribly congested, necessitating me to move to a different seat. I was glad to land and to have my dad and nephew on the other end picking us up. It was a joyous reunion to see my dad again.

 

My week in California was delightful. It was so green, warm, and colorful with everything in full bloom. I remember pulling into the driveway and smelling the orange blossoms in bloom across the street. Oh, how I love that smell.  Dad’s California poppies were bright orange and everyone admired them as they walked by. I took pictures and quickly shared them with my friends back home. Oh, how they were envious of the weather I was experiencing as it was blowing, raining, and snowing back home.

It was a busy week with lots of visiting between family and friends. I was able to take care of some business as well. My kids would say, “Mom, you’re always planning.” Den and I decided that our final resting place would be at the Carpinteria Cemetery and Den had made contact with the gentleman who runs it. I met up with him the day after I arrived and was able to secure a plot right next to his dad and where his mom would be some day. It was comforting to me knowing that we would be next to them and settled in the city of Carpinteria, a southern California coastal town that meant so much to the Parker Family, as this is where Den grew up as a child and where we had multiple family reunions every summer. It felt a little odd doing this kind of business now, but anything to make it easier when the time comes, whenever that would be.

Another highlight of this week was spending the day with my brother. He had decided to take the day off of work and spend it with me. Just me and my brother. What a joyous day it was. We drove up the coast, through Santa Barbara, to the Nojoqui Falls, just off Hwy. 101. It was a short hike, following a small creek through the Eucalyptus trees. I felt a sense of peace spending this time with my brother. I know he felt the same. After the Falls, we ventured on some back roads coming out through Solvang, an old Danish town that was settled in 1911. From there, we explored the mountains of Santa Barbara, visiting an old Chumash Indian Painted Cave, now an historic park. From there, we ended up in Carp, having lunch at The SPOT, eating one of their famous hamburgers that we had enjoyed so many times before.

My aunt and uncle drove over from Tucson for the weekend. My cousin ended up flying into the Santa Barbara airport. We surprised her upon her arrival as we were all there to greet her. It was a great three days of visiting with them. My cousin was aware of my PAC MAN dream and found a t-shirt with the PAC MAN emblem on it. Not only did she buy me one, but all three of them got one. This was the beginning of my PAC MAN team and it keeps growing. GO Team PAC-MAN!!!

The weekend concluded with a wonderful dinner at my brother’s house. He BBQ’d some yummy steaks from the Ranch House Restaurant where my sister-in-law works. It was a lovely setting out on their back deck surrounded by a beautiful Koi pond, Sego and Pygmy Palms and beautiful flagstone patios. It was an emotional night for me…not sure why. I sat on the periphery listening to conversations that were taking place between parties about future events-kids, travels, and vacations. I thought to myself…will I get to experience any of this? Was I feeling sorry for myself? I tried to keep this to myself but it was quite obvious I was hurting…my Uncle Jerry knew.

I soon realized this was something that I must get accustomed to. Who knows what the future holds for me. I just want it to be normal again…whatever that is. I’m tired of being the one with Stage IV Lung Cancer and answering daily question of how are you feeling, has your hair started falling out, have you been nauseous? I want to feel good and be able to do the things that I enjoy doing-shopping, gardening, fishing, spending quality time with my family.  This is my intention and I feel that once again, I will be able to do these things. I’m a positive person, one who fights, and never gives up.

This week, I finished my 3^rd cycle of chemo. It kind of kicked my butt, much more so than the previous two. It’s now day five and I’m coming out of it. The achiness has gone away. The fatigue is fading. My appetite is coming back. The plan is to do a repeat CT scan on April 19 to check the fluid levels along with the area of consolidation in my left lower lung. Our hope is that we see a decrease in all areas and nothing new shows up. My last scheduled chemo is on April 23^rd.  After this round, I go into a maintenance mode which will be less toxic on my body. I’m happy to say, right now, I have my hair. Maybe a bit thinner, but I have my hair. My family and friends have been keeping me supplied with hats of various colors and styles. For this I am grateful.

Good bye for now. I hope you enjoy reading this if you choose to do so.

 Love you all, 

Jodi

 

Coming Home

I was finally released from the hospital Saturday night, February 16 at roughly 11:00pm. I was never so glad to get home. We had a houseful-Kristi and Greg, Joey, mom and dad, and of course my devastated husband. We quickly called it a night as we were all so emotionally drained. As Den and I crawled into bed, the last thing we could do was sleep. We ended up talking, hugging, crying, and planning until 3:00am about what our future holds. It was an emotional night as this was the first time we had been by ourselves since the start of this ordeal and we were able to share our true feelings. I love you Den with all my heart and always will.

The emotions and grief felt the next morning were overwhelming. My thoughts about what the future held were swirling in my head. What do I do? So many questions and no answers. Do I do chemo, do I let nature take its course? The thought of hospice crossed my mind. I had lived a good life and was not afraid to die. My first initial choice was hospice so that I would be comfortable and that my family would have the support that it needed. I had talked to Dennis about this and he was “ok” with this if it was what I really wanted. I remember talking to my mom and dad that morning and letting them know what I was thinking about. My mom was supportive, my dad crumbled. I then received a call from my physician just checking on me. I told him what I was thinking and he questioned me on this. “You are young, otherwise healthy, and have a husband who loves you dearly, and young children who are at exciting times of their lives. Think about this. I would encourage you to sit down with your family and discuss your options. They need to be a part of this.” We then received a phone call from my sister-in-law who was just “checking in”. She talked to Den first and shared with him how she had lost her mother to cancer at the time when she was 24 years of age. How she missed her mom dearly growing up. This happens to be the same age as our daughter Kristi. She then shared with me some personal success stories of some her closest friends who had gone through similar experiences as mine, successfully. I have to say, these two phone calls changed my mind and I sat down with my family and shared with them my change of thought. They were overjoyed, excited and so supportive. It was another tearful moment. From this point, the fight was on.  

Monday morning, I had a quick follow-up appointment with my surgeon who had inserted my port-a-cath late Saturday night in preparation for my first chemotherapy on Tuesday, February 19. It was a quick visit and he seemed to be pleased with the way it was healing. I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to get stuck each time for blood draws and my chemo treatments.

Tuesday morning came quickly. I was scheduled for a follow-up chest x-ray and echocardiogram as I continued to be quite short of breath. The echo showed no significant increase in the pericardial effusion, however, the CXR did show an increasing pleural effusion which, unfortunately, needed to be drained before the chemo got started. This time I was more prepared and they only drained a liter instead of 1400cc. Kristi was with me and such a great support during the procedure.

Chemo came next at the Infusion Center at EIRMC on the 2^nd floor. My good buddy was working that day, so she put me at ease. Everything seemed to go smoothly, easy access through the port. Some of my friends and employees came to see me which made the time pass quickly. Den and Kristi were there offering me reassurance and making sure that I didn’t need anything. Love them. Total infusion time was about 3 hours. I was able to walk out of there on my own.

The next day, I was scheduled to go back in for a Neuplasta injection which is administered to boost my bone marrow production. I was quite puffy and had retained lots of fluid, 15 pounds in all. My blood pressure was up which raised some concern with the nurses at the Infusion Center. They sent me over to my oncologist for him to take a look at me. He wasn’t too worried and reassured me that this should resolve over the next couple of days, which it did. Thank goodness - I felt like a human blow fish!

After visiting with my oncologist and he told me that one of the chemo agents would make me lose my hair, I decided it would be best to get my hair cut now, so when it started to come out, it wouldn’t be so devastating. I made an appointment and came out with a very short style. It took a bit to get used to, kind of a Halle Berry look but without all the curls. I had a pleasant surprise while sitting in the chair. I had my glasses off of course, so couldn’t see very well. From a distance, I saw two figures walking up with man voices. To my surprise, it was my husband and brother who had just flown in from California to surprise me. It was a very pleasant surprise and I was so glad to see him. Love my brother! He stayed just a few days and had quite a story to tell going home as a storm rolled in and he missed his connecting flight home. He decided to rent a car and finally….made it home safely.

The next few days were kind of long and drawn out. I didn’t feel real great, carrying around the extra weight, slightly nauseous, and achy. Den, mom and dad were here, along with Kristi. Greg had gone back to Livingston as he needed to get back to work. It was nice to have family around to help out, but it was so hard for them to see me going through this. I felt bad but of course couldn’t help it. We decided it would be best if dad went back to California to try and get some normalcy in life. Joey did the same thing. I think it helped.

That night, I remember having a very vivid dream about PAC MAN invading my body and going through eating all the malignant cells. It was so real and I slept so well that night. I do believe in the power of visualization and, if that wasn’t a perfect example, I don’t know what is. GO PAC MAN!!!!! The nights seem to be the hardest this first week home as you lie there in bed thinking about what the future holds.

I will close this posting with thanks, gratitude, and appreciation for all the support, love, gifts, prayers, and well wishes that I have received from my family, physicians, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and employees. Without your support, I wouldn’t be where I am today. You all mean the world to me and I’m most grateful to all.

The Unexpected Diagnosis

Kristi and Greg's Wedding-September 2012

Two days had gone by after my visit to the clinic and confirmation that I had a large left pleural effusion. This certainly was not normal and an obvious concern to me. I had blood work done that same day that incidentally came back completely normal. This alleviated some of those anxious feelings that had surfaced. After working a normal day, at work on February 13, 2013, I registered to have this outpatient thoracentesis done. What I was about to experience never ever crossed my mind.

The procedure itself took about 40 minutes. I sat on the edge of the gurney, and the radiologist inserted a small catheter in between the lining of my left lung that had collected all this fluid and completely collapsed my lung, hence why I was getting so short of breath. This small catheter was then connected to suction where they ended up draining 1400cc's of fluid. This equated to about 1 1/2 gallons. To put this into perspective, think of a gallon of milk and then half that again. No wonder I couldn't breathe! They warned me that as the lung was re-expanding, I would want to cough and have some discomfort. What they didn't tell me was that I would have excruciating pain which I put on the same pedestal as giving birth.

Post procedure, my physician wanted me to have a CT of the chest to confirm that they had drained most of the fluid off. I remember they had difficulty starting my IV and I ended up having to get poked several times. Part of the problem was I continued to have excruciating pain that was not being controlled. Once the IV got in, I was able to have some pain medication which at least made it tolerable. Once the CT was competed and read, the radiologist confirmed that the left pleural effusion had greatly been reduced. They also identified an area of consolidation in the left lower lung and discovered that I had a large pericardial effusion (fluid surrounding my heart) which had been masked on the previous chest x-ray due to the pleural effusion. Certainly, this was not normal and brought great concern to the physicians. That night, between the continued pain, the area of consolidation and the large effusion, Dennis, myself and my physician thought it would be best if I was admitted to the hospital for additional testing and pain control.

Late that night, I was admitted as an inpatient on the Cardiac Care floor of Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center where I had been employed for the last 21 years. It gave me comfort that I knew the nurses and physicians so well. My parents received a call that night from my physician giving them a heads up of what was going on. I reassured them that they did not need to come! That night, my Patient Controlled Anesthesia (PCA) and I became best  friends! Once I was able to self-administer several doses of pain medicine, my pain level certainly became tolerable. All of this happened right through the dinner hour and I remember getting to my room and being so hungry. My sweet husband asked me what I wanted and he came back with a BIG MAC, fries, coke, and ... an apple pie. I remember how good that tasted.

The next morning, Valentine's Day, was filled with test and more test. An echocardiogram confirmed a large global peri-cardial effusion, a total of about 600cc of fluid surrounding my heart. Again, this explains the shortness of breath and the pounding of my heart. An EKG was done and more lab work. I had decreased breath sounds in the left lower base where the area of consolidation was identified. Pulmonary Rehab was ordered and got me up in the hallway. They monitored my O2 saturations and blood pressure to make sure that the sat's were not to low and the blood pressure was not getting too high with this fluid accumulation. An incentive spirometer was ordered for me to use every hour to keep my lungs well inflated. My physician told me this would be my new "best friend." Joey came up that afternoon from Pocatello and spent the afternoon with us. Both my attending physician and cardiologist visited later that day and felt that this was something viral that had set in my lungs and heart. Everything else so far had come back "negative."

Friday morning my physician came to see me. He was planning on sending me home later that day as all test had come back negative, so far, although they were still waiting on a RA (rheumatoid arthritis) test. I was to have a follow up echocardiogram and CXR on Tuesday, February 19 to check on the fluid levels both in the lung and around the heart. He felt that this was still a viral infection and we weren't doing anything in the hospital that we couldn't do at home. He asked me where I wanted my prescriptions called in to and they took my IV out. I was so excited to be going home. My own house, my own bed and pillow, and to be with my hubby and pets again. Yeah!!!! I had talked to my mom and dad and they were leaving that afternoon to come up and help Den and I out at home. I was excited to see them as well.

I called Den after lunch and wondered what time he wanted to come pick me up. He asked me if I had talked to my physician and I said "yes" early this morning and that everything had come back "negative" and that I could come home. Den then asked me if I had talked to him about the fluid and I said "no, I don't know what you're talking about." He knew at that point I was not aware of the cytology finding. What I didn't know was that that my physician had called Den first giving him and Joey a heads up that the fluid cytology was not good and that it showed malignant cells. Den then said to me,"oh never mind, I will just talk to you when I get there." I didn't think much about it.

Right after I hung up the phone, my physician walked in. He was by himself and had this look on his face. He sat down on the bed beside me, took my hand, and told me the horrific news. I was stunned. He was stunned. We were both speechless and cried together. I couldn't believe I was being told I had cancer, of all people. He stayed with me until I could control myself. I thought, "How could this be?" I was numb, angry, "why me?" He asked if I would like him to call my parents who were about 2 1/2 hours into their journey of driving up here. I said "yes" as I was in no position to talk to them. I called my friend at work who came and sat with me until Den and Joey arrived. The news traveled fast. Needless to say, my discharge was cancelled. The IV got put back in. Individuals came to offer their condolences and I didn't even know what kind of cancer I had. Further cytology studies were being done and it was all so confusing. Den and Joey came and we sat on the bed and just cried. Why, why why??? We had very little time to ourselves. Everyone meant well but we just needed some time to process the horrific news we were just told.

After further studies, the pathologist was able to confirm that my primary cancer was from the lung itself. We all sat there in dismay...primary lung cancer??? Are you kidding...I had never smoked a day in my life. This couldn't be happening. I was told that an oncology (cancer) physician would be coming by later this evening to introduce himself. Joey had contacted Kristi and Greg and they were planning on coming down that evening after work, hoping to arrive by 8:30 or so. That afternoon and into the evening, I had additional x-rays ruling out further spreading of this crap. CT scans of the chest, abdomen, pelvis. Mom and dad arrived in the middle of this. They were just as confused and horrified as we all were. The physician briefly popped in and said he would be back Saturday morning to give us the specifics. Kristi and Greg arrived as he was leaving. Talk about a whirlwind. I began to take notes and wrote down questions to ask in preperations for Saturday's meeting.

Saturday morning, February 16-the Oncologist arrived. Den, Kelli, Joey, Kristi and Greg were in the room. Den and Kristi stayed. Mom, dad, Kelli and Joe waited in my office. He didn't hold back any words and told us like it was: Non-Small Cell Adenocarcinoma - Stage IV with metastasis. Augh!!! Not good words. Pretty scary in fact. We got our questions answered and asked if he wouldn't mind going down and talking to Joey, mom, dad and Kelli, which he gladly did. That afternoon, more test and all I could think about was getting out of there and back home. The plan from the oncologist was to start chemo on Tuesday, therefore they wanted to have a port-a-cath (IV access) placed before going home. This was a surgical procedure and required me to have had nothing by mouth for 6 hours. This put me going to surgery at 8:00pm that night which my surgeon was happy to do, just so I could go home. Can't say enough good things about my physicians. They were wonderful and still are. For this, I'm most grateful. I was finally was able to go home, around 10:30pm that night.

My son Joey and my post diagnosis haircut. 

My pre-diagnosis

To the best of my recollection, I remember having a cough, cold-like symptoms, and chest tightness the day I took my ACM Certification test in Salt Lake City, back on December 6, 2012. I passed the test successfully and equated this tightness in the chest from the stress and the excitement of passing the exam. Throughout the month of December, I continued off and on having these same symptoms, but so was everyone else. After all, we were in the middle of flu season.

During the Christmas holiday and into January, I felt pretty good although the cold symptoms continued-ear pressure, sinus, occasional cough and continued chest tightness. I decided to go see Terry Thompson, NP at the clinic. After a thorough assessment, she too, thought is was an upper respiratory infection, just like everyone else was having. She prescribed 10 days worth of antibiotics and an inhaler to try to open up the airways. I was sure I would get better after this.

Weeks passed and I just wasn't throwing this crap. The weekend of February 8, Bill, Kelli and I decided to drive up to Livingston, Montana to spend the weekend with Kristi and Greg. We thought it would be fun to have a girl's weekend, afterall it was Paulette's birthday and her mom was up as well. The boy's were going to go snow shoeing. We made reservations to stay at the Murray Hotel. We checked in and our room was on the 4th floor. I remember walking up the 4 flights of stairs thinking to myself, "I can't breathe-what is wrong with me?" I was so short of breathe and I could feel my heart racing. I recovered quickly and soon forgot how short of breath I was.

We had a great weekend soaking at Chico Hot Springs with the girls and had a yummy lunch in the bar. We also went and looked at a house that Kristi and Greg were interested in buying. It was an old house built in 1910 and was one of the original houses that was rented out to railroad workers in the early 1900's. We all fell in love with this house and it was quite apparent that this was the house that they one day hoped to own.

The weekend quickly came to an end and we headed home. In the back of my mind, I kept asking myself, "why can't I breathe and why is my heart pounding so hard, with the least amount of exertion." I was worried and knew that I needed to go back in and have someone re-evaluate what was going on. I told myself I would go in Monday morning and see Ann Gruwell, NP at EIRMC's new H2U clinic.

Monday morning, February 11 came around quickly and I was anxious to get in to see what she thought. No appointment needed-they were able to take me straight back. Anna did a thorough assessment and found that I had decreased lung sounds in the base of my left lung. This was a concern to her so she ordered a CXR and some blood work. The blood work was all completely normal which was an instant relief to me. The CXR was a different story. I remember coming back from lunch and having a message from Anna saying that she needed to talk to me about the CXR results. I knew by her voice that this must have showed something. I met up with her that afternoon and she shared with me that I had a large left pleural effusion in the left lung. It was a surprise to both of us and an obvious concern. Anna scheduled a thoracentesis, a procedure to have this fluid drained. The earliest this could be done was on Wednesday, February 13, 2013. What was to come would shock us all....